Inconsistent

Well comrades, 
I have to say that it has been way too long. Life happens and you just gotta roll with the punches. 
The title suits this well, considering I am extremely inconsistent in every aspect of my life. 
For people that actually follow this blog, I am really sorry that you have not been provided with comedic relief for the last....idk how long it's been, and I hope you still are stalking me. 
Right now I am listening to some crazy spa music that sounds like I am in a monastery and I don't hate it. Pandora Spa radio, I can fucks with you. 
Anywho, 
I am having writers block and don't really know what kind of shit you want me to say. 
I can share a story that has been on my mind for the past 6 someodd months and you can silently judge me through this virtual portal. 

Flashback to October--
 It was a chilly night. I was working till either 915 or 1015 (stupid fucking sale days) and didn't even want to go out. I was cranky as per usual but then my mind always changes because I am kinda easy to convince. I didn't want to go ESPECIALLY because it was Huntington and I am not a particular fan of the town, but I didn't to be a lonely loser so I decided to go out. I remember exactly what I was wearing, which for us women is pretty difficult if you don't take any pictures and post them to instagram. (Yes I am serious, you do not want to repeat an outfit..) So we decided to go to this random hole in the wall that I've only been to once, when I was extremely wasted. So I'm mingling and making my rounds as usual as I see this extremely attractive male walk into the bar. At this time I was outside chaining ciggs because I think I'm really cool and original. I hurry my ass back inside because this was a fine specimen and I needed another look. So I'm chillin getting another drink, and I noticed his SICK jacket he was wearing. Since I am into appearance and how people dress, I really appreciated this fuckin coat. I turn to him, "Wow, your jacket is so cool." And from there, we talked for TWO fucking hours. I mean, shit.....the last time I had a two hour conversation when I was at a bar, I was probably crying about my ex and slobbering on a friends shoulder.
 We talked about everything from music to politics to conspiracies to drugs to everything. I didn't want to leave. And let me just say, I am not one of those friends that goes off with dudes and leaves their posse for the night and says fuck it. I just couldn't help talking to him... not only was he super attractive but there was definite chemistry there. So 2am hits and my friends want to go and I am still in deep conversation not planning to leave anytime soon. He offered to drive me home which was pretty cool, considering he could have chopped me up into pieces and thrown me in a ditch. But hey guys I'm still kickin. So soon after they left, I felt it was time to hit the road as well. 
Car Ride---
So he lets me control the music on his ipod and I nearly cried when I saw "I Will Follow You into the Dark" on his songs. That song is special to me. I have always wanted someone to play that for me on the guitar and sing. Ok so my internal freakout subsides and we pass this church by my house that always has punpkins on the grass. First off, I don't know if they are free in the first place or what the deal with them is. But we passed it and I made a remark how I've always wanted to take a pumpkin from there. He turned the car right around and we went on a pumpkin stealing adventure. For some reason, this to me was so cute and spontaneous and was just what I needed. In reality it's fucking a pumpkin but there was something about the way this happened that just made me smile. Sure as shit it was memorable or else I wouldnt even bother sharing this story. So here we are with these pumpkins just laughing and being silly and we get to my house. I did not want this night to end yet, so I invite him in. Before you judge me, no I didn't bang him. Totally wanted to but I refrained because I am a very pristine Catholic. Nah, not really but I didn't know if he was exactly into me that way so00oo00o0. Then again, I am extremely bad and naive at knowing if someone is and I'm sure he wouldn't make the effort to hangout with me if he wasnt. Ok sidebar over. 
In zee house---
So we talk again, till 5am and I had to kick him out considering my father was getting up for work and didn't really feel like explaining why this stranger was in my den. When he left, I could not stop smiling. I know this is really cheesy and sentimental but I couldnt go to bed without telling him that I had one of the best nights in a long damn time. He responded,, "I was literally just going to text you the same thing, I am going to bed with a smile on my face and I can't wait to see you again." I melted. Who knew? 
Sure enough we saw each other a few days later, then again and again. 
As crazy as this was to me, I was definitely falling in love with this man. I keep saying man considering he is 29 years old, and tall and dreamy and ugh. 
So what the fuck happened, Samantha??--
Well kids, all good things come to an end and everything is too good to be true. Nah, not everything but I am a little bitter and annoyed about the situation and you sure as shit would be too. This is what happened.
So everything was fine and dandy for the short duration of this "relationship" if you can even call it that. Unbeknownst to me, this man had emotional issues. Strong, deep rooted, problems that nobody could even come close to solving. How serious our conversations were getting, I was starting to notice more and more this guy had issues, but I didn't care because I liked him so much and just wanted to ignore the obvious and be in ignorant bliss. Well that shit doesn't last long. Truths come out and beware when they do, they hit you like a bus. Word to the wise: listen to your gut and try not to think with your heart in the beginning. 
I want you to know I am not bashing this man, I actually thank him because he changed my life. It is crazy how someone can impact you in such a momentous way in about 18 hours total being with them. I didn't believe that could even happen, but it did. I was getting ready to go to school one morning when I get a text that he pretty much didn't think him and I were going to work out. That shit does not fly with me. I am Samantha K. and I get what I want. I was not taking that shit. Plus, I was already in a shitty ass mood because I needed to be up at the ass crack of dawn to get on the fucking LIRR. He said "I don't think you are over your ex and I don;t want to be someones stepping stone to get over a relationship. Also you are 22 and want to go out and drink all the time, which I understand, but I am over that part of my life and want someone to be with me most of the time."  I explained that something like that should be spoken about in person, not over text. Although he was stubborn about it, he agreed that we had to talk and it had to be soon. He said he really liked me and thats the only reason why he was willing to talk. Cool. Like sorry guy I don't get home till at least 8 and I'm busy. I literally would have given up pretty much everything for this person, which scares me now to think about. I felt such a deep connection that I was willing to sacrifice my precious nights drinking and galavanting around town, to be with him. 
So we made plans for Sunday, and my parents were away that weekend so I figured it would be perfect for him to come and talk at whatever time. I was doing a project all day anyways so it didn't matter when he came. I happened to take an adderall...which actually was extremely beneficial because it made me SO clearheaded and I knew exactly what I wanted to say for when he came to talk. So I finished my homework around 11....didn't hear from him. And that was the last I heard from him. 
Fell completely off the grid, and left me extremely confused. You would think I would be really enraged, but I understood. Like I said before, he had issues. I am not one to hold a grudge, so I let it go. That didn't mean that I didn't stop thinking about him and wondering where he was and what he was doing. In fact, I reached out to him on Thanksgiving. No answer, of course. 
So the other day I am sitting eating lunch with my co-worker and I get this text from a number that isn't saved. Guess who? IT WAS HIM. HE RESURFACED. All I could say was OH MY GOD, three times. My boss thought I was having a heart attack, but I was just in shock. 6 fucking months go by and he FINALLY texted me an apology for disappearing and he knew it was rude and wrong. He then basically professed his love to me. I was loving this because this is what I've been wanting to hear. But then I remembered who I was dealing with..needless to say I agreed to see him again. We had plans for the following day, and I never heard from him AGAIN. 
So this is my life. Bizarre. No words. Crazy.


There you have it. Hope you enjoyed reading about my hopeless romance,
night. 

I am Samantha K. and I approve this message.