Ok so you know by now how important setting is for me when telling a story. Get this:
I'm on the LIRR. It's rush hour. It finally doesn't smell like lunchmeats but instead corndogs (I actually do NOT mind one bit.) So I notice this dude with a scruffy redish-brown beard who looks strangly familiar. Hmm, can't quite put my finger on it.
After a few seconds of thought I came up with the solution.
Oh wait, thats the dude "JamesJohnson"(ironic) from Snapchat who sends me random penis pictures during all hours of the day/night. He casually sits down vertically from me but once eye contact is made, he knows he is not so annonymous anymore. As he is shifting and squirming uncontrollably in his seat, I keep tying to stare and catch his eye again. I was going to give him a little wink to let him know his junk was pretty decent and to keep up the good work. Sucks that the fucker couldnt change seats because it's a packed train! HA HA HA. Great, now I have to have the vivid image of your dick cemented in my brain as I play Candy Crush like some sort of crack addict. I literally just spent 3$ on that game by buying more moves. I must be sick in the head. A normal person does NOT spent money on games.....
Anyways, I'm going to get back to sending awkward glances to Mr. Penis for the rest of my commute.
Toodaloo!
XO!
I am Samantha K and I approve this message.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Squidward is my Alter-Ego
Hello thar. Hope yall are enjoying the day and have something fun planned for the weekend. (I have a decent amount of festivities to partake in myself)
So you're probably wondering, "da fuck is up with that title?" Well I am here to answer your curiosity. (If you don't care, Idk why you're even reading this blog in the first place)
Welp, probably just lost some guilty bloggettes there but it's quite alright. Anyways, back to SQUIDWARD. So Squiddy and I go way back. I've been watching Spongebob for like ten years and that show is fuckin awesome. Honestly, as I get older I like that show even more. You would not beleive the amounts of sexual inuendos they put in each episode. (If you know me at all, you know I'm all about the inuendos ;)) Why Squidward? Well since I consider myself to be more like Spongebob in my everyday life, (annoying, overly happy, naive, cook a mean burger..) Squiddy is the opposite. He's stubborn, short tempered, impatient, boring, has no compassion for others, hates his life.....I would say that is a pretty perfect alter ego. More times then none, I wish I could just whip out my clarinet (always out of tune) and scream at nice people because I'm a miserable asshole. Sometimes I would like to compete against rich Squilliam and kick his fancypants ass. So from now on when I'm in one of my moods, I'm floppin around my tenticles and playing some hot cross buns.
XO!
I am Samantha K and I approve this message.
So you're probably wondering, "da fuck is up with that title?" Well I am here to answer your curiosity. (If you don't care, Idk why you're even reading this blog in the first place)
Welp, probably just lost some guilty bloggettes there but it's quite alright. Anyways, back to SQUIDWARD. So Squiddy and I go way back. I've been watching Spongebob for like ten years and that show is fuckin awesome. Honestly, as I get older I like that show even more. You would not beleive the amounts of sexual inuendos they put in each episode. (If you know me at all, you know I'm all about the inuendos ;)) Why Squidward? Well since I consider myself to be more like Spongebob in my everyday life, (annoying, overly happy, naive, cook a mean burger..) Squiddy is the opposite. He's stubborn, short tempered, impatient, boring, has no compassion for others, hates his life.....I would say that is a pretty perfect alter ego. More times then none, I wish I could just whip out my clarinet (always out of tune) and scream at nice people because I'm a miserable asshole. Sometimes I would like to compete against rich Squilliam and kick his fancypants ass. So from now on when I'm in one of my moods, I'm floppin around my tenticles and playing some hot cross buns.
XO!
I am Samantha K and I approve this message.
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