Why??????
There is something that really boggles my mind as of late and I don't think I'll ever understand. This is really near and dear to my heart and those of you who know me personally, I thank you for all the support you have shown me over the years and I appreciate all of your efforts in helping me take my mind off things and keep me smiling. I'm struggling to stay strong at this point of my life and the saying holds true, "when it rains it pours."
Let me be the first to say that I am very thankful for my family and would do anything for them. I look around and see a lot of broken families, where fighting and divorce is normal and I always thank God that my family is happy and close. However, the last few years really have taken a negative turn and I'm hoping that we can steer back to where we once were. I miss the family Sunday's where we all are in the den watching TV and smiling and laughing. Well, my mom, dad and I are usually still in the den, but my brother has not been.
This is something that I normally don't speak of, something that makes me really upset, something that's actually causing me physical distrss to write. I can't even begin to tell you whenever I'm faced with talking about my brother it feels like someone is kicking me in the pit of my stomach, bringing me to tears. I usually don't bring him up or talk about him for that reason. It's not because I hate him (even though he is making me so angry) but it's because I hold everything in when it comes to him. My parents think I'm not being supportive, that I don't care but it's the opposite. I support him so much that it's literally killing me to watch what he's doing with his life. I ask the the question, "why" and I don't think I'll ever uncover the answer. Nobody knows this, but I pray for him every chance I get. I try and stay hopeful that he will turn his life around so that we can be a happy family again.
Every time I would go out in Northport, I would have his friends come up to me and tell me he needed help. Do you people think I don't know that? We are doing all we can and he is not going to help himself. He has to do it on his own terms. That's what really scares me. I honestly don't know if he has the capactiy to turn his life around.
He literally has everything in life going for him and he's throwing it all away. I know that he is going through an internal struggle that is unknown to anyone, but I want him to see and believe that he has a great future and it makes no sense to drop everything he has to the curb. I want him to know that yea, life sucks and it's going to get worse as time goes on but there's no reason to give up.
I'm asking for everyones love and support at this time in my family's life. Never take what you have for granted because things change before you can even blink an eye. These people who turn to drugs and alcohol when their families would do anything for them need our help. People are unique an deal with everyday stressors differently and although it may annoy you and make you mad (trust me I know this first hand) you need to try and understand them as best as possible.
I'm going to keep thinking that and try and use my own advice. Nobody said this was going to be easy.
I am Samantha K and I approve this message.
