So I'm sitting here, doing everything other than what I'm supposed to do. I feel like I've hit a stone wall here. I'm not really sure if my emotions are really turned up and my brain is really turned off, or I'm just anxious and stressed. If you're looking for humor, this is not the blog post for you. This is my outlet for now because it's the only thing I really can think of to do. It's not really like I can vocalize this to anyone because I'm not really sure of my feelings myself.
Do you ever feel like something really important is missing, and until you have it, you will not be whole again? I feel as if I've been suppressing my true self, and I really just feel kind of empty.
Yes, I've been going out and having a great time but that's all minor surface things. I'm missing something deeper.
I'm tired of being someones object of sexual desire. It's flattering I guess but it is no way emotionally satisfying. I can say I love the attention (true), but when conversations become only focused around that......that's when I have a problem with you because clearly that's all you want from me. Especially with all the lies and deception that it comes with, I can't deal with it.
Fun fact, I hooked up with someone a few weeks ago and I find out they they have a girlfriend. I was pretty miffed because there's nothin' like being the side chick that they will never leave their girl for, and I felt bad because who wants to be cheated on? Nevertheless, the dudes apparently engaged to her. I really don't get it.
Maybe I should become Asexual and focus on myself for a while to help me discover what I really want to be truely happy. (False)
Maybe I just need school to be over and get some sleep so I'm not an overly emotional psychotic bitch who thinks everyone is out to get her.
Maybe instead of writing this sentimental blog I should be studying and going to bed.
Ugh, my racing mind needs to slow down.
Peaceout people I think I'm losing my mind. If you see me in missmatched clothes and no makeup, pay no mind because I'm on my way to the looney bin.
My life <3
XO!
I am Samantha K and I approve this message.
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